Potion Harem
by RockSunner
Summary: Like other stories in the "Potionate" series, this is another way things could have gone wrong with the love potion on the day of the Woodstick concert. All characters belong to Alex Hirsch, not me. Ships Dipper with almost everyone.
1. Intervention

Like other stories in the "Potionate" series, this is another way things could have gone wrong with the love potion on the day of the Woodstick concert. All characters belong to Alex Hirsch, not me. Has Dipper shipped with everyone.

 **Potion Harem**

 **Chapter 1 – Intervention**

Dipper was being carried around Thompson's garage by Lee, celebrating his "greatness" for thinking of a way to sneak snacks into the Woodstick concert (by taping them onto Thompson), when a new text message for Tambry arrived.

From his vantage point on Lee's shoulders, Dipper couldn't help seeing what it said: "Tambry, You. Me. Date. Bring that sweet, sweet bod. Your secret admirer."

He didn't say anything, but as the gang scattered to get ready for the concert the pieces started clicking together in his mind: what Mabel had said about making Robbie happy; the diorama she had set up in the bedroom, with the figure of Robbie left on top of one of the buildings; and now this text, with a bold flirtation style that was all Mabel.

Should he say something? Mabel's scheme had the potential to mess with the social balance of the gang, just as he was starting to fit in. He turned around and caught up with Wendy, who was heading for home.

"Wendy, I think I ought to warn you," said Dipper. "I think Mabel's up to something."

"Isn't she always, dude?" said Wendy with a grin.

"Something big," said Dipper. "Remember how she said she was going to find a new girlfriend for Robbie?"

"Yeah?" said Wendy.

"I think she just set up a blind date between Robbie and Tambry," said Dipper.

Wendy's smile vanished. "No way! Not my best friend and my ex!"

"I'm afraid so," said Dipper.

"Where's this date going to be?" asked Wendy.

Dipper said, "I saw Tambry a few minutes ago, and it looked like she was heading to the Diner."

Wendy said, "I'm gonna put a stop to this right now!"

"I'm coming with you," said Dipper.

"You should go on home and get ready for the concert," said Wendy.

"No, I need to be there to ease the situation with Mabel," said Dipper firmly.

They both headed to the Diner.

* * *

At the Diner, Wendy and Dipper found Tambry and Robbie sitting together in a booth, but not looking happy about it.

"What's going on?" Wendy asked.

"Robbie, did Mabel set you up for this?" asked Dipper.

"Yeah dork, but I didn't know it would be Tambry," said Robbie. "As if."

"Don't worry, Wendy," said Tambry, scowling at Robbie. "We're so not happening."

"Where's Mabel? We need to talk with her about this," said Dipper.

"I saw her slip into the kitchen a little while ago," said Tambry.

Wendy and Dipper came up behind Mabel, who was in the middle of pouring a pink glittery sauce on a basket of fries.

"Mabel!" Wendy shouted.

Startled, Mabel whipped around. Two globs of the pink stuff flew onto Dipper and Wendy, and some spilled out onto Mabel's hand.

"What got on you, dude?" Wendy asked Dipper, looking straight at him.

"Dipper? What is it?" asked Mabel, a new glow coming into her eyes as she looked at him.

"I... I was going to tell you off for trying to set up Tambry with Robbie," said Dipper, his eyes aglow as well as he looked at both Wendy and Mabel. "But it's not important any more."

"It wasn't working, but it will if I give them these fries," said Mabel. "They have love potion on them that I got from a real Love God... But now all of a sudden all I want to do is kiss you, bro-bro."

"Hey, I was about to tell Dipper that," said Wendy.

"I want to kiss both of you, too," said Dipper. "You don't think..."

"I do think..." said Mabel. "The potion works. It worked on all three of us!"

"What are we going to do?" asked Dipper.

"I don't know," said Mabel. "We'll have to make it work somehow, bro bro."

"You mean Dipper and I will have to make it work," said Wendy. "You're his sister."

"I'm completely confused," said Dipper. "I like both of you."

"You're not giving it to Tambry and Robbie," said Wendy.

"Oh yeah, I am!" said Mabel.

"It's not right. I won't let you do this," said Dipper.

Dipper snatched up the potion-dosed basket and ran from the Diner out onto the sidewalk, with Mabel in hot pursuit. Wendy followed.

"What's going on, Wendy?" called Tambry, jumping up and following.

"Please give me that back, broseph!" Mabel called.

Dipper turned to look to see if Mabel was gaining on him. He barely missed colliding with Pacifica, dodged her, and ran into Candy and Grenda. Fries flew everywhere, getting on everyone nearby. All eyes were on Dipper when he fell in front of them.

"Dipper," said Candy, turning pink.

"Dipper," said Grenda, with a new note of passion in her deep voice.

"Dipper," said Pacifica, with an awkward smile.

"Dipper!" called Wendy. Another fry hit her, but she was already affected.

"Dipper!" called Mabel, also already affected.

"Dipper," said Tambry, who had run up in time to be hit by a fry as well.

"Oh no," said Dipper, looking at the crowd of girls surrounding him.


	2. Tug of War

**Chapter 2 – Tug of War**

Candy asked, "Dipper, I was just wondering, would you maybe want to walk around the woods with me today? Just us. You and me. Candy and Dipper."

Mabel came between them. "You stay away from Dipper. He's mine!"

Candy said, "You don't mean it like it sounds. You are brother and sister."

Grenda said, "Mabel, remember when I held you and we read _Wolfman Bare Chest_ novels together? You got all sweaty and stirred up."

"That was Dipper in my body," said Mabel. "Remember the body-swapping carpet?"

"Right," said Grenda. "That proves that Dipper likes me."

"Not really," said Dipper. "Sorry Grenda. Those novels would stir up anyone."

Pacifica said, "I have a great offer for you girls. Anyone who will let Dipper alone and give me a chance with him will receive an invitation to the Northwest Fest, the best party in Gravity Falls."

"Ooh!" said Grenda.

"So tempting," said Candy.

"You'll have an opportunity to meet rich boys there, and who knows? You might even catch one," said Pacifica.

"What are the odds of that happening?" said Grenda.

"Almost zero," said Pacifica. "But better than your chances of competing with me for Dipper."

"Pacifica, I don't even like you," said Dipper.

"Dipper, give me a chance," said Pacifica. "Your sister warmed up to me after our mini-golf game."

"I never did," said Dipper.

"I'm sticking with Dipper," said Grenda.

"So am I," said Candy.

Tambry said, "Dipper, I've been your friend for a while now, but all of a sudden, the idea of hanging out with you and kissing in public a lot seems like a great idea."

Wendy said, "Tambry, first my ex and now Dipper? You can't keep crossing me like this!"

"Face it, girls," said Mabel. "I have the inside track. Dipper already loves me and we share the same bedroom."

"But I also love Wendy and I don't want to hurt either of you," said Dipper. "This is a total nightmare."

"What has come over us?" asked Candy.

"Love potion," said Mabel. "I stole some from the Love God. He's a real cupid."

"How does this potion work?" asked Tambry. "Does it wear off?"

"It seems like whoever touches it falls in love with the first person they see," said Dipper.

"I wouldn't count on it wearing off," said Mabel. "It's magic, not some chemical."

"Then we are stuck in a love tangle," said Candy. "Worse than a love triangle."

"I know how you all can get free," said Mabel. "The Love God has anti-love potion, too."

"Where can we find him?" asked Pacifica.

"He's at the Woodstick festival today," said Mabel. "I bet we can raid his supplies while he's performing on stage."

"I'll buy tickets for anyone who doesn't have them," said Pacifica. "The more of us working together, the better our chances."

"But which of us will take the antidote?" asked Wendy. "It has to include Mabel."

"It has to include you, Wendy," said Mabel. "Dipper is mine."

"Let's get the potion first, and sort that out later," said Dipper, not wanting to offend either of his loves.

"Too messy," said Tambry. "You're right, Wendy. Mabel has to be cured for sure."

Pacifica, Grenda, and Candy all nodded.

Wendy grabbed Mabel and put a hand over her mouth, and Tambry did the same with Dipper. With the help of the others, they dragged the twins off the street and into the nearby woods.

Pacifica ran to a nearby hardware store and came back with rope and duct tape. Grenda pulled off Dipper's shoes and socks and stuffed one smelly sock in each of their mouths, then wound duct tape around to hold the gags in place. Wendy wound and knotted the rope around them both to bind them with their backs to the same tree.

"Sorry, Dipper and Mabel," said Wendy. "We'll be back with the cure as soon as we can."

"Once they're free of their unnatural affection for each other, the rest of us can compete for Dipper on a level playing field," said Pacifica.

They took off, leaving Dipper and Mabel behind.


	3. Dividing the Spoils

**Chapter 3 – Dividing the Spoils**

Dipper and Mabel struggled against the rope. It seemed hopeless. Mabel had managed to palm one of her hairpins in the struggle and was working with it on one of the knots she could reach, but Wendy had tied them tightly and expertly.

Then Dipper heard a creature moving through the woods some distance away. He recognized the lumbering, stumbling gait.

Dipper's mouth was gagged, but he could still hum. As loudly as he could, he began to hum the tune of "Disco Girl." Mabel joined in at her top volume once she figured out what Dipper was doing.

"Who is humming my favorite tune?" said the rough voice of the Multi-Bear.

The creature came near. Seeing their situation, he tore through the rope with one swipe of his sharp claws.

"Dipper, my friend! Who has done this to you? Say the word and I will rip them apart," said the Multi-Bear.

Dipper tore off the duct tape and spit out the sock gag. "No need for that. It was just five girls who each wanted to be my mate."

"You have true manliness. You have no need of the manotaurs and their ways," said the Multi-Bear.

Mabel removed her own gag. "It was because of love potion, but that's a long story."

"Multi-Bear, this is my sister, Mabel," said Dipper.

"Good to meet you, Mabel," said the Multi-Bear.

"Nice to meet you, Multi," said Mabel. "Dipper told me so much about you."

Dipper picked up his damp socks. He put them on, and then his shoes.

"We have to get to the Woodstick festival, to stop those girls from getting the anti-love potion to use on us."

"We'll get them instead, and then they'll leave us alone," said Mabel. "Thank you, Multi."

"Yes, thank you," said Dipper.

They took off running.

* * *

Dipper and Mabel sneaked past the security guards at Woodstick by dodging behind a trash can.

Mabel said, "I hear the Love God yelling. It sounds like he caught them stealing his potion. Come on!"

They saw in the distance the Love God confronting Wendy, Tambry, Candy, Grenda, and Pacifica. Candy held a bottle of black potion.

"You leave me no choice. Visions of Heartbreak Past!" shouted the Love God, throwing several bottles of potion at Candy's feet.

Candy was instantly surrounded by the five members of Sev'ral Timez, Gabe Bensen, and three boys that Mabel and Dipper didn't recognize.

"You want Candy to marry all of you?" asked Candy in a dazed voice. "Yes!"

Grenda called, "Candy, it's all fake," and punched through the illusion of one of the boys.

"Just give us the bottle, Candy," said the illusionary Gabe, holding out a bee-puppeted hand.

Candy handed Gabe the bottle, and he tossed it to the Love God. The illusions vanished.

"Curse my large heart," said Candy.

The Love God said, "Sorry kids, but that's what happens when you mess with a god. Only a greater being from the heavens themselves could possibly stop..."

He stood frozen, as a giant flaming balloon head labeled "I EAT KIDS" descended directly towards him.

Dipper and Mabel charged the Love God, intent on getting the bottle of anti-love potion. Their combined weight and strength gave them sufficient power to shove him out of the way of the crashing balloon. They rolled to their feet.

"You saved me," said the Love God. "You could have let me die, but you saved my life. I owe you one."

"Let us use the anti-love potion," said Dipper.

"Why would you want to use that? You would never to be able to love again for the rest of your life," the Love God said.

"No! Not that," Mabel said. "But we got love potion on us by mistake. I love my brother Dipper. He loves me and also Wendy. Wendy, Grenda, Candy, and Pacifica also love Dipper."

"Isn't there anything you can do to get us out of this mess?" asked Dipper.

"I can redirect your loves," said the Love God. "I have a harem potion so that you could all share Dipper without getting jealous."

"Yeah!" said Grenda.

"That could be good," said Candy.

Mabel said, "Maybe..."

"Umm," said Wendy nervously.

Tambry looked troubled. Pacifica pouted.

"Are you sure that's the best solution you've got?" asked Dipper.

"One more thing," said the Love God. "I'm all for love, but I discourage incest. It's bad for the gene pool. Mabel, are there any of these folks you are especially close to?"

"Grenda and Candy were my best friends," said Mabel. "And Pacifica was starting to be a friend, before all this happened."

"Not exactly a friend," said Pacifica. "But I warmed up to her a little after a fun min-golf challenge. But right now, it's Dipper I want."

"Got it," said the Love God. "Matches made!"

With a flick of his fingers, he spread drops of love potion.

"I've set you up with smaller harems," said the Love God. "Mabel will have Grenda and Candy. Dipper will have Wendy and Tambry. Dipper and Mabel will both share Pacifica."

They found their hearts filling with joy as these new loves took effect. Mabel hugged Grenda and Candy. Dipper hugged Wendy and Tambry. Pacifica bridged both sets into a mass group hug.

"Will we be in love like this forever?" Mabel asked.

"This kind of arrangement can be tricky, but I gave you a good, strong dose," said the Love God. "If you treat each other reasonably well, all of you can stay in love as long as you live."

"Whee!" said Mabel.

"This is fantastic!" said Pacifica. "I feel so lucky to have two such wonderful people in my life."

Wendy said, "Dipper and Mabel, I'm sorry for tying you two up."

"Me too," said Grenda.

"It's all right," said Mabel. "You were trying to do the right thing. It feels a lot better to love Dipper just as a sister. Especially now that I have girlfriends of my own."

The Love God said, "Dipper, three women is still a lot to handle. I've given you an extra, the gift of unlimited potency. Just be sure to drink lots of water."

"Wow," said Dipper. "Thanks, I guess."

"Come back to my van for a minute," said the Love God.

Dipper followed, and all the girls trailed behind.

The Love God pulled a grocery-sized paper bag out of his van and handed it to Dipper. "Be sure to use these for protection. Your older girlfriends can show you how to put them on."

Dipper looked into the bag, and blushed scarlet.

"Now I have to get onstage. The Love God is about to get crazy!"

"Thanks for everything!" Mabel called to him, and the others echoed her.

"Sleepover at your place tonight?" Grenda asked Mabel.

"Yes! The best sleepover ever," said Mabel.

"Good," said Candy.

"Can Tambry and I come also?" asked Wendy.

"And me?" asked Pacifica.

"Of course," said Mabel.

"I don't know why they call it a sleepover," said Dipper. "I'm not expecting to get much sleep."

"That's going to be the story of our lives from now on, bro bro," said Mabel.

"It's worth it," said Dipper, looking happily from Pacifica to Tambry to Wendy.

"Yeah!" said Mabel.

THE END


End file.
